I got into modeling early. It was something I dreamt of since I was a little kid. I would put on fashion shows in the tiny living room of the house I grew up in Russia. I got my first modeling job being photographed for a children’s costumes when I was 12 years old, and when I was 14 there was a line of agents wanting to sign me. They all promised a breathtaking career as a supermodel IF I’d lose some “baby weight”. My first agent told me to drink water when I was hungry. As a high-achieving person who always looked up to authority figures, I simply followed her advice. This is how the dieting started. When I was 16 years old I finished high school on a fast track, and managed to get a scholarship to one of the most prestigious universities in my region for a part-time study. The day after being accepted I boarded a plane to New York City to meet with one of the top modeling agencies in the world. I travelled to NYC, Milan, Paris, Madrid, Barcelona, Kuala-Lumpur, Jakarta, Taipei and many other cities in the next few years to shoot for magazines and campaigns. My career was starting to really blossom but it didn’t feel quite right; I didn’t feel as good as I always knew I deserve to feel - I was counting calories, trying fad diets that left me feeling depleted and thinking of food just as a necessity, rather than as the healing and nourishing fuel that it is; the building blocks for our trillions of cells.
I knew something had to change and quickly, so I came back NYC with the exciting idea to become a plus-size model! It seemed like a brilliant plan that would solve everything for me. My agent at the time approved this thrilling career change, and the opposite race started – the race to gain as much weight as I could as fast as I could. Muffins for breakfast, pasta for lunch, and pizza for dinner sounded amazing at first but felt like an obligation after a few weeks. The scale was moving up and I started getting recognized by big plus-size brands – in fact, I was one of the first models walking NYFW in the plus-size category and was even featured in Vogue. Yet, again, I wasn’t happy. It still didn’t feel healthy for me. I have always loved moving my body (which I wasn’t doing much anymore) and eating healthy foods (I grew up spending a lot of time in my parent’s organic garden) and pastries for breakfast became an unsustainable chore that wasn’t bringing joy.
I am grateful that one day I had that incredible aha moment. After being on both sides of the industry, being every size from 00 to 12, it became clear to me that I needed to pause and listen to my body. I knew my body contains wisdom about what choices will replenish my body and fulfill me. I stopped dieting, I put an end to eating processed foods, and I came back to exercising. This time I wasn’t trying to lose or gain weight - I actually donated my scale.
My health and happiness became my main focus. I was building strength and increasing my vitality for ME. I always knew I wanted to be a mama one day therefore I needed to take care of my body and mind for my future family. After a while, my life started to slowly transform – some (not all) clients were excited to book me as the 4-6 size I naturally became and for the first time It felt like I truly belonged where I was. I reclaimed my well-being and found my greatest calling - health and wellness so I went back to school and became a certified health coach, a certified yoga teacher, and (soon-to-be) herbal educator with a focus on women’s health. Most importantly - I became a mama to my healthy and happy little girl.
I will be proud to share this story with my daughter one day. I hope to empower and inspire her to make healthy, nourishing choices for HER.
P.S.
Please note, that this is only my story. I strongly believe that we each have our own unique body types in which we can thrive. People of all shapes and sizes can be happy and healthy. This is a story about what worked (and didn’t work) for me personally.